Detention

So last night me and my pal went to catch a movie for our "Something New Thursday" weekly event. Initially we were a bit stumped at what we could do. Our mutual friend was hosting and providing the musical entertainment to a really classy event. One of those high-brow social functions that really begin to bloom in the spring time. It was a chilly night though, but we figured it would be nice to support our friend. Ultimately we decided against going to the bikini contest being held at the "Backyard Grill" in Manassas, Virginia. I think we felt like it was just going to be too elitist for our simple tastes. Although the thought of 20 to 30 year old women in bikini's on a 35 degree March night was tempting. We decided to pass on the toothless, flat tire entrees that would be parading their pre-beach bodies on a ply-wood stage. Instead we decided that if we were going to spend over 20 dollars in an evening it should be done where we can fully enjoy it. A large stadium theatre ticket : 11.50, Refreshments : 8.50, an evening watching a hilarious movie: REALLY FREAKING EXPENSIVE.

Now this movie had some excellent comedic actors. I won't get into the actual cast of the movie because you can look that up on your own , but the movie was "Hall Pass". The actors are all recognizable and the ones I had not seen before are extremely relatable . You can see your life ending up like theirs, you can see friends growing into these characters. What else would you expect from the Farrelly brothers! Well written and meticulous in every aspect something that people overlook in comedies. So the premise was that these two married men got a week off from being married, and in turn their wives had the same privilege at the same time. As if they hopped in the Dolorean (I feel like a rapper using this metaphor) and went back to when they were single and free of any commitments. Of course the two males caused this extreme situation to happen because of...well the fact they are warm blooded males! Yes, they gawked at women, yes they made crude jokes, and gave intimate details that are "reserved" for only your partners ears. It is almost a shame that women expect men to be at their best all the time. Not that we aren't capable of it, but we are incapable of being perfect gentleman 100% of the time. Group think comes into play, and we regress back to our adolescence. Essentially every time the "guys" "wolf pack" or "crew" get together we bro-out. We ask the "What would you rather?" and "Who would you rather?" questions. Not meant to be-little you but meant for us to feel like we are kids again. Take us back to a simple time of washing down an applesauce, worm, and mustard concoction with soda. Its what guys do, and we do it well.

Now if you are in the unfortunate situation of witnessing this ladies, you shouldn't be surprised. We clean up well, but won't hesitate to unzip the trousers and pull out the measuring tape (if you want I mean). It is an unexplainable occurrence. You can give the Brookings institute infinite amounts of money to research it and they wont figure it out. Want to know why? If its a team of men researchers they will be too busy having pissing contests, if it were a team of women it would be oversimplified and just come off extremely bitter (you know its true), and if it were a team of women and men they would never understand each others points and get no where(also called marriage). So I just say we leave it alone. Ladies just let us have our immature time with our buddies, we will be back home on time. Just the other day my four friends and I wasted a good hour passing a soccer ball around in the living room and talking about our favorite foods and beverages. This is also the same group that spent over an hour throwing a plush ball back and forth in creative Harlem Globetrotter-Esq ways trying to one up and fake out the recipients. It was the happiest time of my life, literally.....

So now that we have come to an understanding that men are in essence very simple, we can move onto this idea of a Hall Pass. The movie allowed you to see a married man, fantasize like all of them do about what it's like to be single. Then it expanded on that by portraying what really happens when a man is single! In the mind of a guy who is "taken" single life is a magical time. Where you ride into town on a chariot, pull up next to a sea of half nude supermodels all waiting for you to show them what it was like to be a noble in the Roman empire. All the girls are Athena's and Aphrodite's, and you are Zeus sneaking in and out of their rooms and flipping through a golden Rolodex of eager women. <----- I realize my mythology maybe off and Zeus is potentially the father of these two but I don't care enough to research it. Also Zeus is Greek and I made mention to Romans, whatever. I again don't care....

So what happens when a guy is single, is pretty pitiful. We are literally reduced to hunting. Taking every waking moment planning some sort of fun excursion or activity to improve our chances of meeting attractive girls. The hope is one will go out on a limb and accept our advances. The movie really keyed in on how much easier it is for a girl to gain attention and enjoy single life than a man. Men put in a considerable amount of work to put themselves in a good situation to find a potential mate. They go to the hottest places, they do all the inviting. Whether they are hounding their wing men to come along or they are persuading a "prospect" to enjoy the night with them. Yes, there are men who have it considerably easier (eff you tall guys). There are those guys who always seem to be getting what they want when they want it. What you have to understand though, is that those guys have put in a lot of leg work. They have laid a foundation, as if they were building a pyramid. Most guys retreat to their comfort zone though. They have the eclectic group of guys that usually appeal to every kind of girl in one way or another. That group does everything together, and from an outsiders point of view it looks like they aren't interested in women. That is where you are wrong ladies, those guys just have no idea how to approach you. They are more content (and nervous) to sit around on couches and chill. Wolf Packs such as these don't call attention to themselves because they are average guys. None of them look like Channing Tatum but they all have seen "Fighting" twice.

It's always easier to be the single girls. Guys are dying to be around women and are eager to give a girl attention (as long as it may lead somewhere). Ladies go out on the town and can do whatever they like. The two wives in the movie, had a much easier time mingling and flirting than their husbands. It is true though, as funny and as ridiculous as it is. Men have to do a lot more work. Woman aren't typically stimulated by the same things men are. We men react to sight and women react to sound. So for men to obtain what is in their sight they have to be quiet long enough for the women to hear themselves speak. Men are not the ones who are desired, women are desired and some of you know that. You go out to bars either indifferent to the idea of a male approaching you, really excited about that idea, or so hostile that you are willing to make him feel so inferior that he starts a scuffle with anyone who looks at him the wrong way after your interaction.

I am not saying that Women have it easy, but in this situation they do. You ladies know it is true and you can't deny it. Yes there will be men who are not interested but that's probably for the better. There will be plenty of men who are interested in doing anything you ask. Including eating an apple from a forbidden tree (biblical zinger).

So this is just me explaining to you how it is being single. For a man its a lonely, boring, unfruitful time(outsiders p.o.v) that is filled with awesome male bonding activities with a little crude and rude behavior in it. For a Woman, it can be whatever you want it to be. It can be a time to explore hobbies, or engulf yourself into your career. It can be a time where you go out and get a sun tan from all of the testosterone filled males burning a hole into your skin with their gaze. In the end it all has its ups and downs, and we all just want to be cared for and supported. I hope you guys see the value in both and can grow from those experiences!